


I Hope You Dance

by Hannah_Radiant



Series: The Malia Firth Series [1]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, References to Depression, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Medication, Self-Reflection, Survivor Guilt, because Snow is an ass, implied prostitution
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:29:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23644657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hannah_Radiant/pseuds/Hannah_Radiant
Summary: Malia Firth was seventeen, she only had her name in the Reaping bowl six times, the odds should be in her favor. But the odds weren't that year, just like they weren't for her friend Kai four years before and for her best friend the year after that. The odds seem to not want to be in her favor, but it's about time she changes that. If there is one thing Malia knows is that she won't let Capitol change her they can try all they want but she won't go down without a fight.
Relationships: Finnick Odair/Original Female Character(s)
Series: The Malia Firth Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1702219
Kudos: 9





	1. Reaping Day

_It was the night before Reaping Day and Malia was sitting on her favorite rock on the beach watching the waves. Her best friend was beside her, nervously playing with a piece of rope while staring off to the distance._

_“We could take a boat…and just sail away Lia right now. And find the edge of the world, and never have to worry about Reaping Day again.” He said as he kept frantically tying and untying knots in the frayed rope in his hands._

_“The world doesn’t have an edge, you seaweed brained idiot. It’s, round besides there isn’t anything past the districts anymore. Not since before the Dark Days.” She said with a laugh as she playfully poked his chin which made him pause a moment and look at her._

_“How do you know? How does anyone know anymore? We could be the ones to find out!” He said as he studied her like he did a million times, she shook her head._

_“Why would Capitol lie? How would that even benefit them?” She asked with furrowed brows, she always tried to find the good in people, everyone had a shred of good in them, right?_

_“How can you be so blind, Lia?” He said in frustration as he turned more towards her._

_“I just…I don’t know I just want to have some hope that they aren’t that cruel. Maybe there are some good people in the Capitol that hate the games as much as us.” She said with a frown, Malia could only hope there were still good people out there, perhaps they were just biding their time?_

_“One of us…or both of us could be reaped tomorrow. Lia…you’re my best friend, I could never forgive myself if something happened to you.” It felt weird to see her friend who was always joking act this way, it must’ve been because last year their friend Kai was reaped, and he was only thirteen and was an instant bloodbath. She leaned over and wrapped her arms around her friend burying her face in his neck, surely they would be safer. Kai had his name in there more than them because he had taken out several tesserae. Neither of them had needed tesserae like Kai they would be fine. They only had their names in there three times tomorrow they would be safe._

_“Lia? You don’t have to say yes…but can I kiss you? I’ve never kissed a girl and what if this is my last chance?” Her eyes went wide as she pulled away from him, never in a million years would she think he’d ask her that. Sure she is pretty sure she has been in love with him since she was six but this different, right?_

_“Why would you want to kiss me you seaweed brained idiot?” She asked trying to hide her blush. He gave her a lopsided grin._

_“Because you’re my best friend and I want to.” He said with a grin making her laugh._

· • —– ٠ ❂٠ —– • ·

Malia nearly jumped when her alarm went off waking her. It was just a dream, no a memory of one of the last moments of her naïve childhood. The following day her best friend was reaped she could still see his face in shock as his blue-green eyes met hers in the audience. He was fourteen, her best friend, her first crush and the boy who kissed her. She wanted to cry at the memory after that day nothing was the same, her innocence was ripped away that was when she truly realized that no one was truly safe from the clutches, of Capitol.

“Malia, breakfast is ready!” She rolled out of bed at the sound of her Dad’s voice, it was just the two of them. She never had any other siblings and her Mom died when she was a baby. Quickly she changed out of the baggy tee she had worn the night before and grabbed the first shirt her hands touched in her small closet. A black and white striped shirt good enough, however, she realized that she hadn’t done laundry like she planned the day before meaning she had no clean shorts. With a shrug she grabbed a pair from her floor, she wore them yesterday but who cares. Pulling on her jean short overalls she threw on a pair of clean socks before making her way to the small kitchen. Like every Reaping Day, her Dad made breakfast which consisted of pancakes and bacon. A glass of milk was already next to her plate as she gave her Dad a quick peck on the cheek before sitting down.

“Thanks, Dad.” She said with a grin as she began to eat her breakfast. Her Dad gave her the same look he did every Reaping Day since she was old enough to have her name in the bowl; the look of adoration but fear.

“The odds have been in my favor so far Dad…I’m seventeen almost home free.” She said while taking a bite of her bacon. Her Dad just shook his head sorrowfully.

“Don’t jinx it. Please I already lost your Mom…and so many of my friends to the games.” He slowly sipped at his cup of coffee watching her. The two ate in their usual silence before the Justice Building bell rang. It was time for the annual reaping. Slowly putting her dishes in the sink she went to put her navy blue shoes before giving her Dad a quick hug.

“Love you, you grumpy old man.” She said with a weak laugh making him give her a slight smile.

“Love you too little Guppy.” He said as she made her way towards the Justice Building.

As she made her way towards the section for seventeen-year-olds she let out a sigh. After today she only had one more reaping to get through, the odds had been in her favor so far, she should be fine. With a groan she noticed District 4’s escort, Pandora Brighton, making her way on stage. The woman looked as ridiculous as ever. In her wig was a damn boat model that made it so hard for Malia to not roll her eyes or bust into fits of laughter.

“WELCOME! WELCOME! Today is such an exciting day!” Pandora shouted in glee making several people wince at the woman’s squeal of excitement. At this point Malia started zoning out she only snapped out of it when Misty a girl in her age group nudged her side.

“Huh? What?” She said looking at the girl who looked at her with an odd expression.

“They called your name. Malia, they called your name…” Malia gave a snort of laughter which quickly faded when she saw everyone looking at her. Wait this was a joke right? Her name was only in their six times. The odds had been in her favor so far what changed? She felt like she had just stopped spinning in circles and the world was crashing by her feet. This wasn’t really happening she wasn’t really called this was a joke.

“Malia Firth? Well come on up dearie…we are waiting, darling.” Pandora said as she held a hand out. This wasn’t supposed to happen! Was it too late to run? Turning she saw a peacekeeper coming towards her, yep it’s too late she told herself as she slowly made her way to the stage. She could hear sobs from the parent’s section knowing her Dad had broken down. This was not supposed to happen. She was never supposed to be called. Looking up at the stage she made her way to the stairs only to trip on the last one but just as quick as she began to fall a hand reached out to balance her. Looking up into the eyes of the person who balanced her she felt even sicker. She knew those eyes, those eyes that haunted her dreams for the past three years. Those sea-green eyes that once held such love of life that now looked dull and lost. None of this was supposed to happen!

“Lia…I’m so sorry.” He mumbled as he led her towards Pandora who eyed him with an almost hungry look. Gently removing his hand from her arm she looked at Pandora who up close looked even more ridiculous.

“Now for the boys! How _exciting_! Oh! Nyle Strand!” She knew Nyle was only twelve. The small boy came up towards the stage with tears in his green eyes as he looked up at her. Reaching a hand out she carefully shook his giving it a weak squeeze to let him know she understood. Hopefully, it was comforting for him even though to her it felt like a death sentence. She was going to die if only she had tried to sail off into the distance three years ago then none of this would be happening. She would be thousands of miles away and everything would be right in her own little world.

· • —– ٠ ❂٠ —– • ·

The peacekeepers practically threw her into the room and slammed the door shut making her jump. A million thoughts were rushing through her mind what would happen if she bolted? How far could she actually get before they dragged her back?

“Malia…come here.” Her Dad said as he pulled her into his arms with a sob. She couldn’t tell you the last time she held onto him so tightly, perhaps it was the day her best friend had been reaped when her naïve little bubble burst.

“Dad this can’t be real! Please tell me this is a joke…I-I can’t go to the games! There has to be something we can do…” She sobbed as she held onto him tightly she didn’t want to die! There was so much she hadn’t done yet!

“Listen to me, Guppy…you can win this…you can make it home. I have trust in you. Just listen to your mentors.” The door was thrown open and peacekeepers came in shouting time was up. There were no others to say goodbye to naturally there weren’t she never really talked to anyone anymore at least not enough for them to say goodbye.

Peacekeepers came and practically dragged her and Nyle towards to train station shoving them through the crowd of people coming to see them off. A camera was following their every move making her nervous. Was this to be her life now? Or what was left of her life? She quickly turned to see her Dad once more in the crowd he held a hand up as he watched her board. This time she was careful on the stairs she wouldn't let herself trip again this time. She had to be strong, she was going to come home to her Dad she had to. She was too stubborn to give up, she would show them she wouldn't let them break her. No, she would change her odds this time. The odds would be in her damn favor this time! The train was colder than she was expecting it wasn't inviting at all it was too pristine like a museum. The food piled on the mahogany table made her stomach cringe she was suddenly regretting her large breakfast. 

"This is so _exciting_! You two lovelies are going to see the Capitol in person! Oh, you will love it, it's _beautiful_! Far more so than... _this_. It sure won't smell like fish!" Pandora squealed as she sat in a blue velvet seat with silver pillows. Malia didn't know what to think. Poor Nyle was still crying as he sat in one of the plush blue chairs. Should she ignore him? Should she comfort him?

“Oh! Finnick! _Darling,_ you look lovely today!” Pandora said as the man slowly entered the room, it was obvious the woman was trying to be subtle about her primping as she tried to get his attention. Pouting as he just gave her a nod before dramatically throwing himself onto a loveseat. Mags the other mentor this year gave her two tributes a sad smile as she sat down and helped herself to some tea.

“So…you are our tributes this year.” Finnick said carefully eying the two taking note of what he was supposed to be working with this year. At this poor Nyle began sobbing, even more, judging by the look on both mentors’ faces they were already realizing the boy’s chance of making it very far were practically impossible. Malia turned her attention to Mags who was silently offering her a cup of tea which she gratefully accepted.

“Thank you, Mags.” She said with a smile before grabbing four of the sugar cubes she saw in the small clam-shaped dish. She always had a bit of a sweet tooth which was a bad habit when you weren’t from the richer part of the district. The woman gave her a friendly smile as she continued to silently drink her own tea.

“Nyle? Why don’t we think of ways to help you in the arena? I think I remember hearing you are great at tying knots.” Malia said in hopes of getting the boy to silence his sobs, as much as she understood why he was crying it wasn’t helping the headache she felt growing. The boy looked at her before hiccupping.

“E-everyone i-in o-o-our d-district c-c-can…” He said tearfully, she knew that everyone knew that but it was the only thing she could think of.

“She’s right! I think I remember hearing you were one of the best!” Mags said trying to sound proud but even she faltered a bit, but apparently it was missed on the tearful boy as he looked up with bright and suddenly hopeful eyes.

Finishing her tea Malia stood, turning to Pandora figuring it would be best to at least attempt to be polite to the woman, even if she irritated her.

“Excuse me Pandora? But where is the restroom?” She asked the woman perked up at her question and smiled a toothy grin.

“Oh! Manners! The last tributes were so rude! Right over there lovey! The second door on the right!” Malia nodded before making her way to the restroom quietly shutting the door behind her with a sigh. She stared at her reflection in the seashell-shaped mirror, apparently whoever designed this train was a tad obsessed with the ocean theme. She made note of her dark circles that she hadn’t realized were so bad before now and how her coppery hair stuck out a bit unruly perhaps she should’ve at least attempted to fix the windblown locks. Well, it was too late now, she muttered to herself as she looked into her reflection’s, eyes. She had the blue from her mother but if you looked closely you could see in the center her Dad’s hazel eyes. But like her Dad, they showed far more emotion than the rest of her face ever would. Turning the water on she splashed some water onto her face trying to clear her head. There was a soft knock on the door.

“Just a second.” She said turning to the door before looking back at her reflection, she could see the faint freckles across her nose that were practically invisible unless you purposefully looked for them, and she looked at her plump lips were you could see a faint scar from her foolish childhood. Never let it be said that Malia Firth wouldn’t accept a dare no matter how stupid. The scar was from when she was seven when Kai had dared her to pierce her lip with a fishing hook it had hurt more than anything and naturally had gotten stuck. She had to have stitches once it was removed and her Dad never let her live it down. Claiming his daughter was mad, her friends however never called her a coward again. Once again there was a faint knock on the door again making her sigh as she carefully opened it to see Finnick on the other side. She stared at him with wide eyes.

“Sorry…did you need the restroom?” However, instead of answering he shoved his way into the small restroom and shut the door behind him. “Hey! What are yo—” Immediately she was wrapped into a tight hug one she never realized she missed so much. The last time she hugged him they were still sixteen. After that, he had done whatever he could to distance himself from her and honestly it hurt her more than anything.

“I’m so sorry Lia. I wish I could stop the games…you shouldn’t have to go into the games. It’s my fault…it’s all my fault you were reaped. I promise I’ll do _whatever_ I can to help you.” She paused a moment as she felt his shoulder shake the only time they did that was when he cried and she hadn’t seen him cry in years, then again she hadn’t truly seen him since a little over a year ago.

“Finn? What are you talking about? You’re fault? The odds just weren’t in my favor. It’s not because of you. You can’t blame yourself. Now stop being a seaweed, brained idiot!” She said which made him pull away with a small laugh.

“Never thought I’d missed being called that. I missed you, Lia. I wish I could’ve spent more time with you. But…” He seemed far different from the wild boy she once knew, he was more a shadow of himself.

“Well good thing you missed it because I have a year and a half left of calling you one! You just left me, Finn! You promised me you would never leave and then you did! Do you realize how much that hurt? To have your best friend suddenly up and leaves you? It was like losing you all over again!” She said with tears in her eyes, but instead of sorrow, they were tears of frustration she was so sick of this day.

“I’m sorry it…I didn’t want to hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you. I just didn’t want them to ruin your life too.” The last bit he whispered so softly she barely heard him. Her shaking arms wrapped around him with a frustrated groan.

“Damn it I can never stay mad at you! You stupid seaweed brained idiot!” She huffed as buried her face into his neck. “Just promise me you will try not to do anything stupid. I don’t want your stupidity on my conscious during the stupid games.” She said with a laugh which made him laugh too.

“No promises Lia, I have a reputation to keep. I am after all your seaweed brained idiot of a friend.” He said waggling his brows making her groan as she shoved him away with a snort.

At least with Finnick as her mentor, she was with someone familiar. The boy who would forever remind her of home, the boy who was always her anchor to the real world and the boy who stole her heart so long ago, and of course the boy who would never know that last part because he had enough to worry about than his best friend falling in love with him. Damn him and his charm, damn him and that stupid boyish smile and those bright blue-green eyes that haunt her dreams at night.


	2. Of Parades and Hopeful Wishing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a filler. I want to eventually focus more on her story after the games. But to do that I need to get some of the background story told. I hope you all still enjoy it I'm kind of on the fence with this so far but we shall see how it progresses. And if you actually read this note and my story please give me some feedback. Good, bad and or suggestions help me make this better, please. And oh to make this more interesting if you have a character you would like to add to the story feel free to message me details about them, are they a Capitol citizen? A tribute? Someone from one of the districts? Let's make things fun!

As if being the one reaped wasn’t bad enough Malia was currently being poked and prodded by strangers who claimed to be her stylists. They were muttering under their breaths about her appearances and what needed to be done. She had already been bathed to the point where she was sure she lost a layer of skin. Before she was waxed which had been the worst pain she ever felt, every hair on her body was ripped away and she liked to think she kept up with shaving, oh how wrong she had been. Her brows luckily were spared they seemed to be alright with those, her hair had been slightly trimmed however to remove so-called split ends. But they took the time to pull and curl her coppery shoulder-length tresses twisting it painfully as they placed a small hair comb with seashells into her hair. Another woman had grabbed her hand and begun filing her pathetic nails and begin painting them a pearl color as she muttered how she has had worse to work with.

The other stylist had begun her makeup she noticed the eyeshadows he had were natural-looking colors but he had a blueliner and a black liner in his hand and on the small table he had was an intimidating collection of false lashes. She hoped he would forget those as he applied the rest. 

“Vesta will be quite pleased with this one.” The man said with a smile as he finished his work stepping back giving his work an appreciated nod. Malia could only assume Vesta was the head stylist who had yet to arrive. As if the woman had heard her thoughts she entered the room with such grace that she practically stole the attention. She was taller than her which didn’t exactly say much since she was only 5’2. She didn’t really look very Capitol like her dark skin was flawless without any of the enhancements the people of Capitol adored, she simply wore dark eyeliner that drew attention to her dark yet inviting eyes. And unlike many women and men in the Capitol, she didn’t have a dramatic wig instead her hair was buzzed short with some kind of design on the side. The woman simply looked at Malia with a tilt of her head as she tapped her silver nails against her bright pink glossed lips.

“I rather not go crazy with your look this year. I’ve seen some dramatic looks in the past but I’m thinking we should go for a more natural look, would that be alright with you?” The woman said as she waved away the other stylists. Malia could only blink as she took in the woman’s words, a stylist that wouldn’t dress her up in a ridiculous fish or mermaid getup? Perhaps the odds were in her favor after all. The woman seemed to almost read her mind as she began to laugh.

“I can assume that is your way of agreeing. I have a simpler dress for you but it’s still beautiful enough to get you noticed. The color will make your hair look amazing.” She said as she pulled a black bag off of the hanging rack and unzipped it revealing a beautiful blue gown. It was sleeveless with fabric that wrapped over the bust while the rest of the silhouette had more of a flowy appearance. The way it moved it almost reminded her of the sea gentle, graceful and beautiful. Vesta laid the dress on the table as she pulled out a pair of silver and gold heels that looked amazingly like fish making Malia raise a brow with a laugh.

“Well, I had to have _something_ related to your district. And come on you have to admit they are actually pretty fun.” The woman said with a smirk before laying them before Malia and once more turning to pull something else out, this time it was a green and blue jeweled necklace that almost looked like the top of a trident. Malia had to admit she was glad the stylist had made more subtle nods to her district.

“And these should all look nice with your bracelet, I’m assuming you plan to have that as your token?” Looking down at her wrist Malia gently bit her bottom lip. The bracelet in question was once her Mom’s it was a silver bracelet with a small anchor charm holding the chain together. It had been a gift from her Dad for their first anniversary and she had left it for Malia. Her Dad had given it to her for her eighth birthday and she hadn’t taken it off since. 

“I suppose so.” She said with a small smile, she always felt like by, wearing the delicate bracelet that her Mom was with her. It brought her comfort since she couldn’t remember the woman. She faintly could recall a woman with coppery hair like her own and a gentle voice that would sing to her. After giving her a moment Vesta gently approached her holding the necklace up before placing it around her neck with a smile.

“I know being here isn’t ideal, being in the games but I hope some of your time here is at least worth it. Now let’s get you dressed the soon you go out there the sooner you can change into something more you, I’m willing to bet you are more of a casual type of girl. Which, there is nothing wrong with.” The woman said with a laugh making Malia feel a little more at ease. With Vesta’s help she stepped into the dress and put the heels on, she felt wobbly in the heels she never wore them before and wasn’t exactly happy to have them on.

“The trick to heels is a little extra sway in the hips when you walk. At least that’s what has worked for me. I used to be horrible in heels.” Vesta said with a wink as she helped Malia out of the room and towards the chariots. She noticed Nyle who was dressed in a matching blue suit with a tie that matched her shoes. He was standing next to Mags who was gently consoling him, a little to the left of them she saw Finnick who seemed to have a bowl of something in his hands that he was snacking on. Vesta laughed as she approached him.

“Odair, you realize those aren’t for you? They are for the _horses_! If you wanted a snack you should’ve told me, you know I keep plenty nearby!” She said while still laughing, of course, he quickly looked over like a child being caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

“Aww but you know I love a little sugar Ves. Which reminds me…” He gave the woman a flirtatious wink and tapped his cheek making her roll her eyes.

“You’re lucky I’m in a good mood, or I’d send Mags after you.” She said with another laugh as she shoved him away from her playfully. Finnick gave a mock look of despair as he pretended to pout. “Now if you don’t mind I have a lovely tribute to help onto the chariot,” Vesta said with a proud smile.

“Oh fine I see how it is! You’ve replaced me already Ves! I thought what we had was special, but no, you left me for another! Fine, I’ll just go to Bacchus from now on whenever I need a stylist.” Vesta turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow.

“The hell you will!” She said wagging a finger in his face. Finnick laughed knowing that Vesta and Bacchus had a bit of a rivalry which wasn’t surprising since they were twins.

“Aww fine, I suppose I can share your attention. As long as I’m still your favorite!” He said wrapping an arm around her shoulder making Vesta roll her eyes as she poked his cheek affectionately. As he looked at Vesta he seemed to notice Malia and smiled.

“Mark this day, Malia Firth is in a dress! This is monumental! And she is wearing heels and wait is that makeup too? Who are you? What have you done with my best friend? This is too weird!” He said with a snicker making her glare at him.

“Oh shut up you seaweed brained idiot!” She said as she shoved him only to slightly lose her balance, catching her again he gave her a wink.

“Lia you need to stop falling for me, I know I’m gorgeous but _please_!” At this, even Vesta started to laugh as she rolled her eyes again.

“And oh so _modest_ I see. But seaweed brained idiot? I’ll have to remember that one. Seems to fit him perfectly now let’s get you on the chariot. Malia? You’ve got this girl, show Capitol that the other districts don’t stand a chance out there! Come on Odair leave the girl alone. Besides I need to tell you the latest gossip about the stylists you will get a kick out of it!” Vesta said after they helped Malia onto the chariot. Turning to look at them she gave them a weak nod. To her right, Nyle was climbing onto the chariot with a nervous look on his face.

“Don’t worry Nyle we’ve got this. Chin up.” She said with a warm smile as she held her hand out the boy hesitantly looked at her before slowly reaching for her hand with a grateful look.

As the chariot made its way out the crowds cheered, Malia wanted nothing more than to wince at the loud noise but she knew she had to stay strong for Nyle, for herself and to show Capitol that they couldn’t break her. No, she was going to survive just to spite them. She was going to survive and prove to them that she wasn’t just some pawn. Holding Nyle’s hand tightly she gave him a reassuring squeeze as she looked down at him. While she wanted to survive she also wanted the boy to live, but deep down she knew that would be even crueler. Who would want to condemn a young child to such a life? A life of endless nightmares, she at least was older and perhaps she could confront it more than him but then again could she? Capitol had a weird way of making you feel contradictory emotions, one moment you are brave and confident but then two seconds later you were terrified and more unconfident than ever. It made you feel as if you were spinning in circles and couldn’t stop, the real question was how could anyone enjoy this kind of life? 

Seeming to feed off of her support Nyle smiled and began to wave at the crowds sending them into an even louder frenzy. She would give the boy this moment, she would let him keep as much of his innocence as possible for as long as he could. Joining him to wave to the crowds with a shrug she couldn’t help but smile at his change of mood. When the chariot reached its final destination she looked up and saw the one man she never wanted to see, President Snow. He smiled a sinister smile as he looked down at each tribute. Locking eyes on her she fought back a flinch. He seemed to look into her soul with a tilt of a brow and his lip, she kept eye contact even though she wanted nothing more than to shrink away from that stare. She saw him look towards a balcony with an even more sinister and predatory glare and part of her deep down knew who he was looking at. It was the, Victor’s Balcony he was staring at his so-called beloved victors but she knew he only saw them as bargaining chips in his tyrannical domain. Malia longed for the day when someone would end the man’s tyranny, it might not be her but she only hoped that one day she could be there to watch him fall. 

“GREETINGS EVERYONE! Welcome to the 68th Hunger Games! Tributes, we welcome you. We salute you for your courage and for your sacrifice and we, of course, wish you a Happy Hunger Games! May the odds, be ever in your favor.” Once more he turned to look down at the tributes with his sinister smile that made his full lips seem to stretch even further into an unnatural snarl, of course, the people of Capitol were too dense to see it. Malia wanted nothing more than to wake up to the annoying ringing of her alarm clock, to wake and realize this was all a horrible dream. Was that too much to ask for?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://hannahradiantfanficrefs.tumblr.com/post/615425592871075840/i-hope-you-dance-reference-links


	3. Memories, Scribbles and Late Night Reminiscing

The suite on the fourth floor was far too extravagant for Malia’s tastes. She would much rather be back in the small four-bedroom cottage that she shared with her Dad.

“It’s a little overwhelming at first…but umm the beds are comfy?” Finnick said with a shrug as he walked past his tributes. Nyle looked around in curiosity as he took in the luxurious room. The tall windows showed the bustle of the bright city with a balcony that looked out to the world that Malia wanted nothing more than to run from. She wanted the ocean, she wanted her small cottage and the sounds of seagulls. Never again would she complain about the damn birds she would take them in a heartbeat over the squeals and shouts of the people of the Capitol who cheered and celebrated the upcoming murders of innocent children. 

“Kassandra will show you to your rooms. Feel free to go change into something more comfortable. And try to get some rest. Your training starts tomorrow morning at seven. I have…errands to run but if you need anything Mags will still be here.” Finnick said as he tried to avoid looking at Malia. She noticed however his lip did that small twitch it always did when he lied, she knew his tell they had been friends long enough. Nyle however, had no clue and nodded as an Avox woman led him to his room she nodded to Malia when she noticed she was going to stay back a moment.

“You are a shit liar Finn,” Malia said firmly, at this she saw her friend flinch it was so unlike him. He was always so full of life but come to think of it since they boarded the train and the sight of the ocean faded away from the more he seemed to sink into his own mind.

“Please don’t Lia. Just go…umm go get comfy. I know you are hating that dress, you despise dresses.” He tried to make light of the moment but it would never fool her. His smile didn’t reach his blue-green eyes, instead, those eyes were so dull.

“ _Stop_. Finnick _Caspian_ Odair. I swear on the sea if you _lie_ to _me_ one more time I will kick your ass. And you know I can! Unless you forgot the time when we were ten.” She spat as she grabbed him by the crook of his arm. His eyes looked as if they would pop out and his jaw dropped.

“Did you just use my _middle_ name? Damn it, Lia! That was uncalled for! And besides haven’t you heard I’m the youngest Victor now, so I’d _love_ to see you try to kick my ass now. Besides, there are, more fun…” She didn’t let him finish, she hated his Capitol personality it was not the boy she knew it wasn’t the loveable seaweed brained idiot she grew up with, she let out a snarl as she smacked him across the cheek with a loud crack making him gasp. His blue-green eyes grew dark like a storm as he glared at her, but there was a sadness in them, but she didn’t care at least they weren’t dull anymore.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” He growled angrily but she didn’t care. She was pissed, she was pissed that she was reaped when she was so close to being free of the whole damn thing, pissed that her best friend practically abandoned her, pissed that he was lying to her and pissed…just so pissed. Suddenly as if a dam broke, she lost control like a tidal wave, tears began to fall. It wasn’t fair she wasn’t supposed to be here. She missed the sound of the ocean, she missed the stupid sand she once complained about. She missed her Dad, she missed being able to pretend the games never existed if even for a moment. If it hadn’t been for him she would’ve fallen to the floor as she sobbed. She hated crying, she never cried. She didn’t cry when Kai died, she couldn’t, the only times she could even remember crying was when she was with her seaweed brained idiot of a friend. She hated how he made her show weakness she wasn’t weak, she was strong. But why did she feel as if she was nothing but an insignificant grain of sand being pulled out to sea and lost in the vast nothingness?

“Lia…” He simply slid to the floor holding her as she sobbed. He was at loss for words, like how he made her feel weak for crying she made him feel like he couldn’t speak. What could he say? He couldn’t tell her the full truth, everything he did was to keep her safe, and Snow already had his family killed for refusing him. The man continued to hold her above him like some sick bargaining chip. He was almost certain that she was only reaped because he refused to take on male clients as well, he thought being double-booked was his punishment but he was wrong. He wanted to save her but he also wanted to keep her as far away from the horrible man as well, he wanted her to remain pure and untouched from the horrors of Capitol.

“Why? Why is this always happening to us, Finn? Why can’t we just be _free_ of all this? What did we do to deserve so much pain and suffering? It’s been over _sixty_ years! Why are we still paying for crimes we weren’t even born for? Why didn’t I just listen to you when we were kids and sail off into the damn sunset with you? I just miss my home…I miss _you_. You’re my best friend and I just feel so alone here… _everywhere_.” He felt his own tears well into his eyes as he looked down at her, the only other time he ever remembered her crying was when she hugged him goodbye before he left for his games.

She had given him his token making him promise to come home, telling him she needed her seaweed brained idiot of a friend. He still had that token tucked away in a place only he knew about. It was a simple black leather cord bracelet with a single black pearl, the very pearl he gave her a year before. He still remembers when they found the oyster with the pearl he can still feel the pain in his hand when he sliced his hand trying to open it, it had required sixteen stitches in his hand but it had been worth it when her eyes lit up. Pearls were rare but to get a black pearl was seen as lucky in their district. He could still faintly feel the scar that once was on his hand before Capitol erased his scar, but the memory was still there they couldn’t erase that.

“Everything I do will be for you. I will bring you home to your Dad. Lia just please…trust me. I’m doing everything for you. I’ll be back in a couple of hours. We will talk more then. I will answer as many questions…as I can. But trust me some secrets are necessary.” Her lip twitched in a small smile if she only knew that he had begun collecting secrets because of her. She had always been such a great collector of secrets in a way collecting secrets became a way of remembering home, of remembering his coppery haired friend who always knew how to put him in his place. He would continue to do this for her. He refused to let Snow harm her, he wouldn’t lose anyone else especially not her. With an unladylike sniff, she rubbed her runny nose on the back of her hand making him chuckle, that was more like it that was the girl he remembered the one who couldn’t frankly give a damn about what others thought.

“ _Fine_. We will talk then. Just hurry up and do whatever you have to do and get back. We have a year and a half to catch up on.” She whispered as they slowly stood. He quickly brushed her now messy hair out of her eyes and nodded.

“Try not to miss this _beautiful_ face of mine too much. I know it’s going to be so hard, I mean look at it!” He said knowing she would laugh. Rolling her eyes she shoved him.

“Sure if you like looking at a _flounder_.” She said with a laugh making him throw a hand to his chest in mock horror.

“How _rude_! That’s it Malia _Claire_ Firth you are the most, rude…the cruelest person _ever_!” His mock tantrum made her laugh even harder to the point where she let out a loud unladylike snort making him laugh too.

“Oh so now you are trying to use _my_ middle name? Oh just go already you seaweed brained idiot!” She said while still gasping for air from laughing too hard. He gave her a quick wink and dramatically said he knew when he wasn’t welcome anymore making her laugh even more. She missed this having her best friend there to make her laugh she hadn’t laughed this hard in so long and she hoped it wouldn’t be the last time.

·• —– ٠ ❂٠ —– • ·

After Finnick had left the Avox Kassandra returned with a small smile, she led her to her room which she didn’t make much note of. She had the blonde woman show her the bathroom and with one look of confusion at the shower, the woman smiled and showed her how to work it. Malia would never understand why the Capitol wanted to be so extra in _everything_ you didn’t need a panel with over a hundred options for a damn shower. Two basic knobs were more than enough hell her shower at home only had _one_!

After some playing around with the buttons with Kassandra’s help, Malia had found a shampoo, conditioner and a body wash scent she was satisfied with. It was a combination that reminded her of home. The shampoo and conditioner was a seaweed scent and the body wash was a mix of seaweed and sea salt, she smiled as the aroma reached her nose. She never knew a shower could be so satisfying but she was proven wrong as she washed away the makeup and scrubbed the hair product from her hair. Soon she found it relaxing just standing under the hot water as it washed away her worries. Malia had always been a shower thinker, she did most of her thinking in the shower. Something her Dad always laughed about she could almost hear him calling out telling her that she wasn’t the only one who liked hot water and to hurry up. With a sigh, she turned the water off and shook her head sending water drops flying as she reached for one of the overly fluffy towels wrapping it around her. Stepping out she made sure to not slip only to realize that when she stepped on the mat a dryer had dried her off almost instantly. Her wet and knotted hair was quickly dried and smoothed out even gently parted. That would take some getting used to but it sure beat, having to deal with the painful knots that always happened after a shower. Malia made her way to the mirror to take a look at the impressive results, she seemed to be looking in the mirror more than she had her whole life and couldn’t help but stare in curiosity. Looking closely she frowned noticing that the stylists removed any blemishes or flaws on her body including the small scar on her lip. She didn’t want to remove that, it was one of the things that reminded her of her childhood. With a flick of her finger, she raised her lip to see if the other part of the scar was still there, and smiled when she saw it was. Capitol could try to erase her past and mold her into their own twisted version of herself but some of herself would remain. It would be her little secret and she would continue to wear it with pride. Grabbing one of the lotions on the counter she looked at the numerous scents one was a bottle of rose-scented lotion that made her scowl she hated roses, she found she was highly allergic a few years ago when she first went to visit Finnick after his games she could remember that day as if it was yesterday.

_He was coming home. He survived the seaweed brained idiot survived. She sprinted from her cottage making her way to the station some unfortunate passersby were shoved out of the way, while some shouted others chuckled. They knew where she was running to. She had to get there before he did. He had to know she wasn’t going to ever not be there for him again. When she made it to the station she tried to sit still but kept nervously shifting from one foot to the other impatiently. She knew it wouldn’t be much longer. When the train pulled up she nearly let out a squeal of excitement, the rest of the district pushed and shoved to see their new victor. When he stepped into the doorway of the train she couldn’t help but feel relief he was home safe. He looked in the crowd as if searching for someone she saw him nod to his parents but continue to look, he was looking for her._

_“FINN!” She called out making him perk up and look towards her with a grateful smile. He looked as if he was about to run to her but slowly made his way towards her. Reaching a hand out for her he smiled a smile that looked like he was trying to refrain from showing too much. She looked at his hand in confusion a moment before shoving it away and hugging him._

_“I missed you, you stupid seaweed brained idiot.” She said with a relief filled laugh. Hesitantly he wrapped his arms around her._

_“We will talk more later…I don’t want cameras around.” He whispered almost so softly she didn’t hear him. His parents had made their way towards him and wrapped him into a hug. His mother with her own coppery hair blowing in the slight wind._

_“Oh, my sweet boy. I’m so happy you’re home.” Finnick wrapped his arms around his mother with a big grin. He had always been a bit of a Momma’s boy and it was clear he was trying not to cry, cameras seemed to flash and another was zooming in to record everything for the Capitol. “Let’s go…home.” His mother said hesitating when she realized they would now live in the Victor’s Village. Malia stepped back a moment before Finnick’s father wrapped an arm around her shoulder with a smile._

_“Come on Malia, you can come with us. He looks like he could use his best friend.” He said with a nod, the cameras were too focused on Finnick to notice the exchange. Malia looked up into the blue eyes of Finbar Odair, more affectionately known as Barry to those in the district he was a tall man with broad shoulders. He might look intimidating but he was a kind man always looking out for others._

_When they made their way to the new home in Victor’s Village and the cameras finally left Finnick finally turned towards her. He had tears in his eyes as he held her close, full of sobs as his new reality finally sunk in. His mother looked heartbroken as she watched her son breakdown. Isla Odair wanted to step forward but her husband gently took her hand._

_“Give them a couple of minutes. He could use his friend.” Barry said with a sad smile. When the two left the friends alone Finnick led her into what looked to be a small office. It was a nice set up she guessed but on the desk, there was a vase of white roses. She had never really seen roses up close they weren’t really a District 4 thing. It was the roses however that set Finnick off. With a roar, he ran towards them and threw them across the room shattering the vase. Malia jumped at the sudden movement. His parents came sprinting into the room at the sound of breaking glass. And stared in shock at the sight. Looking down Malia noticed a single rose had landed at her feet. Curiously she reached down to pick it up and bring it to her nose, only to let out a series of loud sneezes._

A knock on her door made her jump and slip out of the memory she had. She hadn’t realized she was lost in memory until the knock had startled her. Turning, she slowly opened the door holding the towel tightly against herself. It was the Avox woman on the other side of the door.

“Oh sorry…umm. Gimme a second.” She quickly shut the door and grabbed a robe that hung on a hook on the bathroom door. Opening the door once more the woman on the other side gave her a weak smile before pointing to the closet then the door.

“Umm…get changed and come out there?” The blonde nodded and pointed to her mouth then stomach which Malia took to mean there was food. “Thank you, I’ll be out shortly.” She replied as the blonde nodded once more and left the room quietly shutting the door behind her. The closet was also programmable but she found it comforting to be able to just pick a simple blue tee and a pair of comfy black lounge pants. She made a mental note to see what other crazy things she could do at the press of a button in the room before making her way towards the dining room. The table was filled with massive amounts of food. She couldn’t help rolling her eyes at the amount while some people were starving people in the district's Capitol was wasting food. Finnick still wasn’t back but Mags was there giving them a warm smile as she quietly ate her dinner. She sat next to Mags who was already sitting next to Nyle. Looking at the food and decided on what looked like some kind of grilled chicken. Placing some of that and some steamed broccoli on her plate she slowly began to eat. Mags was softly talking to Nyle who was a little more at ease after his own shower and change of clothes. But she wasn’t really in a talkative mood herself. She focused on the food in front of her thinking about how quickly her life changed in the last few hours.

·• —– ٠ ❂٠ —– • ·

Soon she was the last one at the table as she continued to graze on the food on her plate. She wasn’t in a rush. Mags had told her goodnight shortly before Nyle had gone to bed. The room was eerily quiet, something Malia always hated. Complete silence frankly terrified her. Being from District 4 there was always the sound of the ocean or the squawking of seagulls or even the people who bustled around the district. But inside these quarters in Capitol, you couldn’t hear the sounds of the people it was completely soundproof. Once she finished eating she slowly stood and approached the sliding glass door to the balcony perhaps from there she could escape the silence. Out on the balcony, she saw there were a few lounge chairs that like everything else overly plush and covered in a blue velvet but she would admit they were comfortable. It was nicer than the splintering chair on her small porch back home, while she loved the chair she sure didn’t miss the endless splinters she got sitting in it, neither her or her Dad ever found the time or energy to sand it to fix the splintering.

The sounds of people could be heard below as she laid back on the lounge, looking up when she heard someone at the door she noticed Kassandra who gave her a simple nod as she placed a small lantern on the table.

“Umm…Kassandra? Do you know where I can get a pen and some paper?” The blonde just nodded once before heading back inside momentarily to find some. When she returned she handed to Malia with another nod and then just as quietly left. Malia could never even begin to imagine how frustrating life as an Avox would be. To lose one’s voice, that seemed like it would be the worst punishment to her. To not be able to tell a joke, to sing if you desired or to simply have a conversation because it was forbidden, it just made her hate Capitol even more. Did the people here really care that little for others?

It wasn’t hard for Malia to lose track of time once she was given the paper and pen; she always found peace in scribbling down notes. She used to write more but had since stopped not feeling the desire to bother, but suddenly with the threat of dying words seemed to spill onto the page faster than she could even comprehend.

“Haven’t seen you write that much in a while. Anything good?” She let out a surprised squeak as she looked up to see Finnick looking exhausted and with purple lipstick smeared on his shirt collar. She wasn’t blind she could tell where he had been. Part of her wanted to gag, did he enjoy living the life of Capitol’s lover? He seemed to notice where she was looking and sighed.

“Ah, yes the life of a victor…well some of us.” She could tell he wanted to say more but she was willing to bet that Capitol heavily monitored their tributes and victor’s conversations so she chose to ignore it and answer his earlier question. With a halfhearted smile, he took a seat beside her, silently looking over her shoulder.

“Just a few poems. A lot aren’t worth mentioning but here’s one with potential. It doesn’t have a name…but could you maybe read it to my Dad if I don’t make it?” She said handing him the paper. Malia studied his face as he read the words she scrawled onto the page, she saw the emotions in his eyes, and she saw the words he wanted to say caught in his throat.

**_They bring me to an arena for their game,_ **

**_Where I came to fight for my life,_ **

**_A punishment for our ancestor’s strife,_ **

**_I yearn for freedom, not for a colosseum,_ **

**_Please tell my father,_ **

**_I’m sorry I’ll never be a scholar like he dreamed,_ **

**_Tell my friend I’m sorry,_ **

**_Sorry, I met my end._ **

**_I’ll love you here,_ **

**_And I’ll love you from above,_ **

**_If there is such a place,_ **

**_If not let us enjoy one last embrace._ **

When he was finished he looked up at her with tears that threatened to fall, but he refused to let her see him cry. The paper fell from his hands as he wrapped his arms around her. She didn’t move at first but soon wrapped her own arms around him. She missed spending time with her friend, once upon a time they had been practically joined at the hip. Their parents had been best friends and their Dad’s had worked together. But shortly after the games, everything changed. She knew why the games, always changed people. It had been harder for Finnick because he was much younger than the other victors.

She was grateful for Mags, the elder woman had been there to help her best friend slowly pick up the pieces. To find some of his old self again. She knew he could never truly be his old self again not with the way Snow and the Capitol controlled his life but she would take all that she could get.

“Lia, I told you I’m going to bring you home. I won’t let you die…I _can’t_ let you die. And I won’t let Capitol _ruin_ you. Trust me when I say I am going to do _everything_ I can for you. I promised your Dad…I promised myself…and I’m promising _you_.” Malia had to admit Finnick was always one to keep his word and she truly believed he would bring her home. Yet she didn’t want him sacrificing too much for her, she wasn’t truly sure of what exactly Snow made Finnick do but she had a good idea.

Ever since Finnick was sixteen, only a year and a half ago, yet it felt like decades ago, he was forced to visit the Capitol more. At first, he had told her he refused Snow it wasn’t long after that, that _both_ Barry and Isla Odair had so-called tragic accidents. Barry had died in a trawling accident but Isla had somehow fallen to her death in their home, which seemed highly suspicious. It didn’t take a fool to realize that it was because Finnick had defied Snow. Everyone in District 4 knew sure accidents happened but what are the odds they happened the same day? Finnick had come to her in tears saying it was all his fault because he said no. She had been confused by what he meant but not but a week later he was seen in Capitol on the arms of _several_ women. Some old, enough to be his mother which made her cringe. The lengths people went in, Capitol was disgusting.

“Y’know what come here, I want to show you something.” He said standing and reaching out for her hand. She followed him to what looked like a bedroom and smirked when she saw him grab a chair placing it under an air vent. Reaching under his pillow he pulled out a small knife and stood on the chair loosening the screws in the vent before removing it. She watched with a grin as she saw him pull out a worn envelope, his hiding spot was one she used all the time when they were growing up. Hiding things in plain sight was her specialty. She couldn’t help but gasp as she saw what was in the worn envelope, it was the bracelet she gave him before his own games. It was obviously worn down much more than it had been but the fact that he still had it made her smile.

“You still have it?” She said as she gently touched the bracelet in his hand, she remembered she had planned to make it for herself and had spent so much time trying to perfectly craft it. She had been eager to learn how to make such a thing and had asked Nadia one of the District 4 crafters how the woman was proud to teach her and it was worth the countless lessons. But when he had been reaped she knew she wanted him to have it. It was the closest she could give him to represent home, to give him hope and to show him she would always be there.

“Helped me get through the games. When I couldn’t sleep at night I’d look at it. Knowing I had a piece of home with me. Antonius my stylist loved the craftsmanship naturally I had to tell him my best friend made it. She felt her cheeks turn pink from embarrassment.

“Seriously? It wasn’t that big a deal…” She said shoving him with a mortified laugh and dramatically falling back onto his bed covering her face. Naturally, he laughed as he carefully put the precious token back in its hiding spot.

“Oh hush it was an amazing gift and the best token ever. Now just stick around and wait for me to get a quick shower and change. I promised to answer questions and to catch up.” He chuckled as he grabbed a simple tank top and sleep pants from the closet before running to the bathroom to clean up.

The two friends soon found themselves sitting and talking for hours before she eventually fell asleep. When she woke the next morning she nearly jumped out of her skin when her pillow moved. With a nervous peak, she saw she had indeed fallen asleep and shifted so she rested against Finnick’s warm chest. He was still sound asleep softly snoring, she had to bite back a laugh as she saw some drool on his cheek. Some things never changed, she wondered what Capitol would think of their precious victor looking so _imperfect_. Nevertheless to her his stupid quirks and flaws were what made her love him, perfection was nothing but a lie if you thought about it. Before she could roll out of bed to get ready for the day he let out a loud snore and pulled her close like she was a teddy bear making her chuckle. She was instantly reminded of the old teddy bear he used to have she wondered if somewhere in his house in Victor’s Village the bear, what was his name again, _Fisk_ , that was it, she wondered if it was still somewhere hidden away. Trying to think of a way to get out of his grasp she grinned and poked his nose making him snort as he rolled over, only she didn’t think he would end up rolling on top of her crushing her. Last time she fell asleep in the same bed as him he was far less muscular and heavy.

“Finn…you are crushing me, you seaweed brained idiot. Get off…” She said with a groan but of course, he didn’t hear her. How exactly did one get a heavy victor off of them? She continued to poke him randomly making him groan as he shoved her hands away in his sleep. How did his Mom use to wake him? She wracked her brain trying to remember. That was when she remembered one trick she did as a kid and had to keep herself from laughing out loud. Sticking a finger in her mouth to get it wet she stuck it in his ear with a laugh. Instantly his eyes shot open with what almost sounded like a squeal as he practically catapulted himself over her falling onto the floor with a thud.

“W-what the hell?” He groaned as he rubbed at her ear. She looked down at him with a large grin as she continued to watch him rub at his ear muttering to himself.

“Morning sunshine. Something wrong?” He looked up noticing her for the first time and gave her a glare as she began to laugh.

“Did you? Ew Lia did you stick your… _ugh_! You are so going to pay for that one _Firth_!” Her laughter continued to the point where she let out a snort, whatever he did to make her pay was going to be totally worth it.

“I’m impressed with your…reflexes? You catapulted yourself almost across the room it would have been alarming if not for the _squeal_. Don’t worry I’ll keep that a secret. Can’t taint the reputation of Finnick Odair!” With a stretch, she stood and made her way towards the dining room continuing to laugh as he grumbled from the room. “Now get changed and oh wipe the drool off your cheek.” She said pointing to her own cheek to show him where it was making him throw a pillow at her, she ducked and let out a cackle.

Mags gave her an amused look as she sat down at the table grabbing a muffin and a cup of tea.

“Today is your first day of training. I know your first instinct is to go to the weapons training but remember to visit the survival stations too.” She said as she sipped her own cup of tea. Malia noticed that Nyle was already dressed for the day and noticed that at least the outfits for training wouldn’t be too flashy. She had been a little nervous that like everything else in Capitol it would have been something with some dramatic flair. Quickly finishing her muffin she took her tea to her own room and quickly changed into the outfit left out for her. The training outfit this year was simple; a fitted black workout tank and a pair of tight black capris with blue sides, she assumed each district would have its own color but she would have to see. The outfit while being practically skin tight was comfortable and seemed to easily move with her so she wouldn’t complain how it wasn’t what she would normally wear. The material looked as if it would stay cool and dry even if she managed to break a sweat which was nice because the last thing she wanted was to feel suffocated in her clothes. She quickly threw on the black and white shoes left by the door and made her way back to the main lobby of their floor with a yawn. Well, today was the first official day of being a tribute for the 68th Hunger Games. She could only hope that the odds would stay in her favor for a change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem is something I threw together for this story. It's not the greatest but it fits for this story. I hope you all enjoy this story so far I will try to update more soon. I'm having more inspiration for this story than my others so far.

**Author's Note:**

> Be sure to check notes here at the end of each chapter for references! 
> 
> https://hannahradiantfanficrefs.tumblr.com/post/615425592871075840/i-hope-you-dance-reference-links


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